


Winter Night

by aebecee



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, Break Up, Light Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-25
Updated: 2018-04-25
Packaged: 2019-04-27 09:09:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,361
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14422149
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aebecee/pseuds/aebecee
Summary: It was a cold, cold winter night.





	Winter Night

The night was deep, the weather was harsh, the snow threatened to fall on that cold winter night. A deafening silence filled the streets, the only sound that can be heard came from the vehicles that were occasionally passing by. There was a lone figure of a boy sitting on one of the benches, his ebony black hair was not hard to miss on that empty playground. The cold winter breeze blew and caressed his cheeks. Both of his hands were clutching his handphone tightly as he shivered every now and then. He was anxious and it was slowly eating his sanity away.

 

It could have been just seconds, or minutes, or even hours. He was not sure how long he stayed there and patiently waited until he heard that deep, husky voice that seemed to echo in his ears. That voice always called out to him with passion and affection but it was a bit different during that time, it sounded dull, pained, and cold. Why?

 

"Renjun," he heard the voice call his name. He immediately stood up out of reflex and scanned the area. His eyes stopped on another pair of brown eyes that was staring back at him. For a moment, it reflected a lot of emotions but the owner stubbornly masked it with harsh coldness. "I told you not to wait for me," the boy who just arrived said.

 

Different kinds of thoughts filled Renjun's mind. He was hurt but he still managed to flash a slight smile, "but you're here,” he answered which almost came out as a whisper. His heart wavered at the sudden coldness.

 

"Look at yourself... you look like a mess," the brunette said in a stern tone, eyes still masked with coldness that sends sharp ice shards straight toward the older's heart, “Let's go, I'll walk you home.”

 

"Jaemin, why—"

 

"Renjun. You've been out for too long. Let's go." Jaemin interrupted Renjun and was about to turn around when the older hastily grabbed the younger's wrist.

 

"Jaemin, why are you being like this?" Renjun screamed out of frustration. His small hands trembled as he suppressed his tears that were threatening to fall. The situation was too heavy for his heart, he could not take it anymore. "Why... why are you avoiding me?"

 

Jaemin averted his gaze. The Renjun in front of him was the least that he wanted to see; trembling and broken. It was pretty ironic because he was the one responsible for it. He was the very reason for the boy’s agony. His hand felt as heavy as his heart when he slowly removed it from the older's grip. He tucked both of his hands in his pockets before heaving a sigh to calm his raging heart. "It's for your own good," was all that he could say.

 

To say that Renjun was angry was an understatement, he was furious. "For my own good?" he could not help but raise his voice, his small frame trembling because of the overwhelming emotions, "I don't know what you are thinking, but Jaemin please, that is not for you to decide!" he almost cried out.

 

All the things he had to go through was for his sake? He had enough of all of it. It was horrible. The ugly thoughts that haunted him gave him sleepless nights and unbearable anxiety.

 

Jaemin felt like his heart was about to explode. He felt dizzy, he does not know if it was because of the cold breeze or the quiet sobs of the boy he loves the most. He wanted to comfort Renjun, he wanted to enclose him in his arms but it was already too late. He lost the right to even think about being with the older when he made his decision. "I heard you got accepted in that art school abroad."

 

Renjun was taken aback. He does not remember saying anything about it to him. As if reading the older’s thoughts, Jaemin continued, "I heard it from your mother."

 

"I—is that why you're being like this? I needed more time to think about it before telling you!" Renjun frantically explained, his mind screaming that his mother must have told the brunette something.

 

"It's okay. It really is," Jaemin said with finality in his voice, "You should not think much about it, you should go."

 

"W—what are you saying?" Renjun cannot believe what he heard. He wanted all of it to be a lie but the brunette across him just stood there silently instead of taking it back.

 

"Are you really just going to send me away like that? W—what about us?" Renjun asked again, still clinging on all of the times they shared together, the memories, the promises. Jaemin can't possibly just throw away all of that right?

 

"I mean it, Renjun."

 

...and all it took was that one sentence from the boy he thought he would spend forever with for his fragile world to crumble down his feet.

 

"Jaemin... I—I don't understand... did I do anything wrong?"

 

"Renjun, listen, it's not your fault. It will never be your fault." Jaemin said with a voice much gentler than before, "We've been together for so long. I know you so well that I definitely can't miss the way your eyes sparkled whenever you're painting. I bet you don't even notice how you unconsciously smile when you're satisfied with the color you chose or the unconscious giggles I'd suddenly hear whenever you're almost done—”

 

"It's—"

 

"It's those little things, Renjun. I know how much you love painting. I can't possibly take that away from you." Jaemin spoke again, interrupting what the older was about to say.

 

"Jaemin... do you even hear yourself?" Renjun asked quietly. "Do you know what you're taking away from me right now?"

 

“Renjun...” Jaemin called the older softly. “This would be better for you...”

 

Renjun stepped closer until there was only a little space between them, not breaking eye contact even a little bit, “Jaemin... do you even know what you're taking away from me right now?” he asked again.

 

Jaemin could only avert his gaze. He knows.

 

“You're taking away my life, my whole world... my whole world, Jaemin.” Renjun took another step closer, their lips almost touching as he lifted his hand and pointed at Jaemin's chest while keeping his eyes fixated on the younger's brown orbs, “You.”

 

At that moment, Jaemin wanted to run away. He wanted to forget everything that happened during that night. He just wanted to feel Renjun's warmth in his arms. He wanted to walk beside the boy, wherever their feet may lead them. He knows that if Renjun takes another step closer, all of his resolution would crumble down and he would end up swallowing all the words he said earlier. Why would he deny himself the chance to spend a lifetime with his happiness, his whole world?

 

It would have taken Renjun a single step; just one step closer to Jaemin. However, before the younger could even react, the image of the older walking toward the opposite direction filled his vision. The image of the love of his life walking away from him haunted him far longer than one could ever imagine. It scarred him for life.

 

“From what I remember, my eyes sparkled the most when I'm with you and I can't believe that you missed that,” Renjun's last words echoed in Jaemin's mind. He feels numb. He does not have any idea why he can hardly feel anything yet it hurts so much. He brought this upon himself, right?

 

His mind was screaming that he should run after the older, his sunshine, but his legs would not move and that may be the very reason why he had to live under cold gray clouds for a long, long time. It could have been the cold winter breeze or the chilling coldness reflected on the older's eyes when Jaemin looked at him for the last time, he was not sure except for one thing, it hurts.

 

It was indeed a cold, cold winter night where visions are blurred, hearts are frozen, and relationships fall apart beyond saving.


End file.
